The Chance I didn’t Take

3/8/17

Is it fear of commitment? Because it’s true, you are perfect for me. You make me smile more than anyone. But it’s not just that. You provide me with comfort. Whether it’s when your warmth is radiating from your body as we lay under the covers watching movies, or if it’s when you’re listening to my drunken self-spew nonsense through my tears at 4am. You are always there for me and my smile grows wider just when I think of you. I have never met anyone so caring, someone so willing to give me their undivided attention yet still not be suffocating. I’ve never had someone support me in all my decisions, someone have so much faith in my future when I don’t even have faith in it myself. I miss you all the time, even when we talk every day. And you are so good to me. I don’t know why are you still by my side when you’ve heard the mean things I’ve said, when you’ve seen first-hand how reckless I could be. When I say you’re my best friend I truly mean it because I feel like I’ve known you for years. You’re the kind of person I want in my life, you’re the one who makes me feel better. I may not be broken, but most of the time I feel broken. You’re the one who makes me feel together.

We never dated and I already hurt you. It’s amazing how many good people you meet. People who will stay by your side and actually mean it. And, I guess that’s just something I have to get used to. I don’t think I’m necessarily afraid of commitment because I’m afraid of getting hurt. I think I’m just scared of hurting someone else. I’m scared of ruining someone that’s so good.

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